Death slides and mass landouts

So the Standard Class were scrubbed in the air today whilst the clubbies went on into the blue. On having the standards down and sorted we decided to head to the water park as we had heard so much about it. The bruises are fun and Ben had concussion. No really.

As we turned onto the main road from the park we came across trailer after trailer, I'm talking all the club class guys. I suspect there is going to be only one angry Polski farmer today.

We also helped to clean the Brit team pool today, which genuinely started growing things and had a family of bugs swimming in it. It was so smelly that I nearly thew up. So at least that's our honorable thing done for the day.

Not sure on what we are doing for dinner now but it could be interesting. We were meant to be going to a joint Brit/ Dutch/ Saffer/ America BBQ.

It's hot

We're being crap at updating but the heat has turned us into sloths and we have no energy to do anything. Our walking pace is about 5 times slower than it is back in England - it took us an hour to walk around tescos when all we were buying was milk and bread

I was happily having my morning dump a few minutes ago when Ali appeared behind me (the toilets here have bars for windows). He then covered me in water and poked me with a bamboo cane. I don't know if any of you have tried to poo with your mate behind you but it kinda kills the mood.

Ali is currently very hungover. The last I saw of him last night he was sort of walking, but in a way that required neither foot to be lifted off the ground and he was mumbling stuff that didnt make a whole lot of sense. There's a girl here who has been nicknamed Sasquatch (I think that tells you everything you need to know) and I've made it my personal mission to make her and Ali happen. I may or may not have started numerous rumours to stoke the fire so let's hope this works.

It's hot again today. I'm currently dripping sweat in to my cereal. Yay

Clubs, fingers and pseudo sharks

So last night we had a big one. On being told that today would be a rest day the pilots decided they wanted a night out. Whilst eating in town we saw a constant stream of top totty hitting the bars and decided we would hit club discotheque demon. More stories from that to follow... But lets just say Ali doesn't have a certain nick name for nothing.

Today we decided to try out the recommended beach at the local lake. We turned up, for some reason ignored where the locals were headed and tried to find an entrance. After then walking around for half an hour we decided the locals probably knew better than us, and followed where they had been going originally. Turns out they were right. When we located the beach, we immediately hit the water with ball in hand to show the locals what rowdy Brits we are. We discovered that on the whole we are rubbish at water volley ball but Ben has an irrational fear of sharks (despite the fact we were in a lake...). After this we hired two pedalos for the twelve of us and ventured out to the depths of the lake. After figuring out that if more than 3 people are at the front of the boat the backs sticks out, we obviously had 10 of us on the front of said boat in what some have described as looking like the titanic. Needless to say I had a little bottom moment.

Shortly following this the Water Po Po zoomed over to us, to which we all held our breathe, awaiting the bollocking that was obviously going to ensue. After a little translation issues it was actually that we were swimming more than 50m from the shore... Phew.

Once our time was up we hit the shore again and decided to get candyfloss. The man started putting it on the stick, then kept going, and going, and going. We ended up with a ball of candyfloss the size of a basketball. Seeing as this was obviously not enough sugar, we decided we also needed ice cream too so stopped at the next shop down. The man asked us to help translate his menu into English by holding up various ingredients and having us write them down in English. We were nice and wrote out his menu properly, but realised we missed out on the oppurtunuty to screw his business over by 'accidentally' mistranslating his menu to include items such as "waffles topped with warm jizz"

We're gonna have an early night tonight as last night was ridiculously big and has taken its toll on us

Day long blog... Internet please work

Today's summary, where do I start.

It has become the norm to say good morning to our neighbours, the Saffers, with what can only be described as very racist comments, something about a backwards baboon... that when said with a British accent really make it acceptable, well I think anyway. The Cobras don't mind as we are keeping are ex-colonial pals happy by laughing at us. However, when a new female Cobra arrived today I didn't realise she was in the tent when I yelled said word to Gunter.. Needless to say she was shocked.

Big Sues has arrived and has already settled in to camp life and has parked her tent next to Snorlax, god help her.

All the Standards got round but only Matty managed to finish for the Clubs. There was a lot of Brit /America chat going on today which I hope will reinforce the 'special relationship' we have with them. Something that hasn't been as strong since we helped save Iraq/ the world.

We have a new friend in the pool, probably feeding off the vast quantities of floating skin which may have originated on my shoulders, I'm looking like a badly burnt Albanian boy. His name is Kurt Von Strudelscratcher, or something like that anyway. In short, a bug that literally is living in the Brit pool.

Plan for tonight is to head out to town in search of a restaurant that serves warm food and cold beer.

British 1,2 in the clubs

Luke Dale won the day with 1000 points, with Matty Davis following him up in second. Mary's currently 44 points behind the leader so its looking good. It's obviously the good luck kisses

I've been modifying football songs to contain Matt's name so I think after winning MVC (most valuable crew) last year, I'm a strong contender for MVS (most valuable supporter)

Tidal wave and eye candy!

Its been pretty tricky with such bad internet but here we go.

Its blue as blue and hot as Hell meaning the pool was looking rather enticing. Unfortunately for everyone in the camp someone had filled it slightly too high and although Ben was fine, my tum was to much for the water displacement and the side collapsed. Luckily Si, Brit team captain, saw what might happen before and managed to get the mains electricity off the ground otherwise it would of been the end of BAli as we know it, much to the delight of some I think.

In othernews, it's sexy lingerie night at the local club and me and quite a lot of the other narional crew members are keen to see the local eye candy. Its amazing to see what centuries of being impoverished can do to a woman's figure.

Very nice!

This is definitely not Ben (Ali feels guilty about not blogging enough). International night has been interesting.... Lots of free vodka meant we were nearly in bed at 9, but the Austrian red bull pulled us through. The comp director taught me how to say "you have beautiful tits" and I used it on the bar maid. It went okay

Quote of the day today goes to Ali: "I never have sex dreams about girls"......

Chopper is most definitely on tour tonight - the eyes are out and there's a bottle of Eastern European vodka in each hand.

Ali is now narrating to me so here we go "don't put that about the girl comment. You know what I meant. We've had a battle of the rover sound systems: rover 75 vs. the range rover. Some polski pulled up and tried to outloud our music. Hank definitely won. Down that jim bean because you're a lad. Do it. But back to the blog - Ethan did not do it. Shlad. Quite like the bar maid, she reminds me of Julia Roberts in pretty woman, but prettier."

He then walked off so I guess that's it. Anyway, apparently the weather is looking good tomorrow so hopefully the boys will get to fly again